Stories.

I share a lot on this blog.
A lot of deeply personal stuff about my own shortcomings, even.
Transparency is not something you’ll find lacking here….

Which is where the problem comes in.

You see, I was a student pastor for a couple of years at a church back home.
There is even a “Reverend” in front of my name in the Baptist circles.
One year was all fine and dandy, and the second year was as Rocky as a Squirrel.

Heh.  Rocky…Squirrel…get it?  #lamejoke

Anyway…
There was a multitude of reasons why I left that ministry…and very few of them have been talked about here.
And for the most part, I’ve moved on from that chapter…
Though still at times, when I read certain things, or hear certain things, I remember…
Then get frustrated.
Angry, even.
And I want to tweet, or blog about it…but, for now, I can’t.

I want to go back, make them listen.  Change.  Follow.
I want to be a catalyst, an agent for change.
But, again, I can’t.

You see, I was a student pastor for a couple of years.
At this one church.
And that’s it.
That’s the extent of my professional ministry resume.
So, any story I could share in this blog…guess what…it probably happened there.

That was in my hometown, where I grew up, with people that had known me since I was a child…
At least some of them occasionally swing by the blog, means I really can’t tell the whole story.
Though, for some reason, I feel like a huge weight would be lifted if I could.
Or would have been if I had talked about these things to my former church…
Because I never really told them about everything that led to my departure.

Some stories are best left untold, I guess.
And some are best kept silent for a season, to be told at the right time and place.

For me, at least for now, this blog is neither.

So, I was emailing back and forth with a good friend about this predicament.
And he asked one question that I was finding difficulty in answering:
How has it changed the way you live?

Wow.  Has it?
At first, I thought, maybe not.
But then, I started looking around.
And I’ve absolutely been changed.

There is less fear.
More transparency.
A more bold proclamation.
Saying and writing things that may be difficult.
No more “its always been done this way Churchianity.”

Remember Michael Bublé’s song “Feeling Good?”
It’s kind of like that.

This old world world is a new world.
And a bold world for me.

It’s a new dawn.
It’s a new day.
It’s a new life for me.
And I’m feeling good.

Did I really just use Michael Bublé as a musical illustration?!
Wow.  I suppose it’s time for me to hand in my man card now…

How do you deal with the untold stories in your life?
Have you missed opportunities to speak truth for fear of consequence?
And How has it changed the way you live?

Peace and love.

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4 thoughts on “Stories.

  1. I tend to be pretty open with my own history. There are a few things that happened while I was counseling that I obviously can’t discus. I have one story that only a few of my closest friends know, but I’d tell you most anything else if you asked. The untold story I told one friend right away, because I needed someone to talk with and I was not going to tell my parents about it. One friend found out about two years into our friendship and it turns out she had a similar story she rarely shares. I discussed it with a relatively new friend in hopes that he would gain an understanding and broaden his views on a subject… I think it helped him help others better. I hope it did.

    I think some of the kids I used to counsel could have benefited from hearing that it could happen to anyone. I think seeing me so far on the other side of it and having used it for good (in a way) might have been empowering to them. Unfortunately we were never allowed to share our stories with them because of professional boundaries. There are some of them I I wish I had told despite the fact we weren’t allowed.

    I am not sure if I will ever put it way out there, but I do share it quietly one on one when I think it will make a difference. Having been through it has changed my views on the situation. In some fundamental way it shifted my views and made me alter my perceptions.

  2. I know what you mean, exactly. I have one personal experience that goes completely guarded and walled up except for those times, like you said, that I am reminded. But it probably has had the biggest impact on me spiritually than any other. I have prayed about sharing it, but I always get this feeling like it wasn’t meant for anyone else…just me and God. Also, I think of Matthew 7:6. “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls to swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” The reference in my Bible points to rebuking others. A wicked man will not accept your rebuke and turn on you. But I was really really praying hard one day about whether or not God intended me to share my particular thing, and this is the verse that came to mind. Those moments with Christ that ONLY you and Him will understand would be like napalm in the hands of Osama bin Laden to some people. They would destroy you with it. My relationship with my husband is the way it is because of years of personal experiences. I don’t share the most private, intimate (not sexually), open moments with others, but those are the ones that make us who we are as a couple. I think it’s the same way with Christ. My relationship with Him is what it is because of those private, intimate, open moments, and I don’t think they are to all be shared.

  3. Michael Buble is manly…rawr!! Haha….sorry had to say it.

    You know, Kyle, Im very much in this season of trying to be as transparent as possible because most of my life I haven’t. I hid away my brokenness in the shadows where the enemy could keep his claws in me. Part of learning to live in the light of Jesus is to accept myself the way Christ accepts me. Messy life and all. By hiding things I give power to the darkness.

    This has changed my life in a lot of ways. One of which I dealt with recently regarding honesty. Was I willing to put something out there at the risk of difficult consequences? Not at first. I fought the idea and prayed hard. But ultimately I realized the true consequence I need to be worried about is the one with God.

    Good post buddy….there is a lot to process in the mind and heart here.

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